super perfundo on the early eve of your day
by marshtomp madness
Summary: Takes place at the end of episode 9, with... liberties.  Kyoko just wanted a happy dream.  Inspired by Waking Life, brief moment of Kyoko/Sayaka, oneshot.


AN: Kyoko is my favorite from this show. Light on the Kyoko/Sayaka though, except I so ship them and I don't even do girls' love.

Also, this is heavily inspired by and kind of a tribute to my personal interpretation _Waking Life, _which is an amazing movie that I watched last year. The title is a quote. I feel so... unworthy of connecting my dinky little fanfiction to that movie, so I'm throwing this out there: if you like the plot of this at all, go watch the real thing. It's approximately a thousand times more philosophical and interesting.

* * *

><p>They say that right before you die, you dream, in that brief moment as your brain is shutting down. Everything just comes back to you, whirlwinds of thoughts and emotions and memories in the same way that normal dreams are. It isn't special in any way other than it's your last. And then you're gone, or you aren't, depending on your denominational preferences.<p>

Kyoko Sakura has long since given up on anything- or at least, anything good- happening after that final kaleidoscope shut-down, and based on the majority of the thoughts/emotions/memories her brain had to pick from, if you ask her she'd say that she doesn't expect much good during that infinitesimal/infinite moment between when she would close her eyes forever and when she found out (or ceased to be a consciousness capable of finding out) what exactly happened to people when they died.

You'd think that finding out that those moments would almost definitely be spent being some kind of horrible monster spreading unhappiness in a desperate attempt to stave off death would actually push the line over into despair, but Kyoko Sakura isn't that kind of girl.

And actually, they aren't. They're spent _fighting_ some kind of horrible monster spreading unhappiness in a desperate attempt to stave off death. Or, as she once knew it, Sayaka.

She folds her hands in a mockery of prayer (it isn't funny), and breaks her Soul Gem into a thousand glittering vermilion shards that she has just enough of a chance to see before she shuts her eyes and dreams.

* * *

><p>Grass is itchy against her legs, and she reaches down to scratch at it carelessly, leaving long red strips up and down her legs. It's hot out, so she takes off her sweater and lies down, putting it over her eyes to block out the sunlight. There aren't any trees around, Kyoko realizes distantly, or else they'd be sitting under one of those.<p>

Sayaka, next to her and possessing of enough foresight to have brought a blanket, lies back on her elbows and clicks the toes of her clunky shoes together, only it doesn't so much click as _thunk!_

"Hey," says Sayaka, sharpishly. "Don't nap. I wanted to spend a nice day together!"

"Napping is part of a nice day," Kyoko replies, spitting out her sweater when it gets in her mouth. She spreads her arms out on the grass and now they're itchy, too. "So's food."

"Well, we have plenty of that."

_Did this actually happen?_ she wonders. It isn't real, or it isn't happening right now, because something happened to Sayaka and she wants to remember what it was.

She scratches at her leg again absently, trying to focus. Something bad. Sayaka isn't Sayaka anymore. Or she wasn't, because this is Sayaka right next to her, and oh God Kyoko doesn't want this to end.

* * *

><p>Odd flowers with beards grow around her, and they'd be pretty if it weren't for the beards.<p>

Kyoko draws a weapon and fights something amorphous that changes colors and patterns and textures. Witch's barrier. Something slashes her arm and she doesn't bleed. This definitely isn't real, especially not now that the vines growing down from the ceiling that sprout butterfly-birds that also all have her sister's face.

This is a dream. She remembers this. Well, more of a nightmare. One that's been happening ever since she became a Puella Magi. She used to think it was because she was afraid of her sister being taken by witches.

Only- and why didn't she ever think of this before?- that isn't true. It's because she was afraid of being the witch projecting her own despair onto the world around her. This is _her_ witch-barrier.

Kyoko shuts her eyes again and throws her spear.

* * *

><p>This isn't real, either. Unless Kyoko's developing some kind of weird post-traumatic stress disorder, where she experiences flashbacks. It's probably been known to happen in Puella Magi. Not that anyone would know.<p>

Except, where was she before the fight? There was another fight. She knows that much.

"I think I like this one best," says Sayaka, holding up something the exact shade of her hair.

"Hey, _I_ want that."

It's a poofy peasant blouse kind of thing, elegant but kinda simple, too, not impractical. Kyoko also likes it. She's been staring at it for the past few minutes, wondering how it'll look out in the sunlight and not under bright halogens.

Is this gonna be one of those stupid things where they can't want the same thing? Kyoko hates those. They are always in movies. Is that how it goes in real life?

"You get it in red," says Sayaka finally, pulling out the red one, except it clashes with Kyoko's hair because it's too pink. They stare at it for a minute. "Or sea-foam green. Yeah. Maybe green."

Green is fine. Kyoko holds it up to herself, and thinks, maybe it is kinda nice. Maybe she should wear green more often.

"Just let me know when you're wearing yours," says Sayaka. Kyoko laughs wryly.

"'Cause you don't wanna be caught dead in the same thing as me? Like all those stupid twin-y couples?"

Kyoko would _die_ before she admitted it, but she saw a couple when she was younger wearing the same t-shirt and thought it was the fucking most romantic thing ever.

"Nah," says Sayaka, blushing a little, "'cause I kinda like the idea."

No, definitely not real, either. But nice. It's a happy dream. What she thought she wanted, right?

And then she realizes what's going on.

Outside of this, there's a real world, and she's standing on the precipice of something big, some yawning chasm of darkness (_despair_) that she just hasn't fallen into _yet_. She wants to stay here forever, and maybe she could, or at least what would be the rest of her existence (it's kind of like forever, at least), but that's the problem with dreams. It's not real, and she wonders if real Sayaka would think it was charming. Probably not.

Which takes the wind right out of her sails. Fine. Lesson learned.

She sighs, and lets it go.

* * *

><p>Her Soul Gem. Something is happening to it. That's why. Kyoko remembers that much.<p>

And she can't open her eyes because whatever is left of Kyoko isn't attached to what was Kyoko once.

There's horrible music playing, and she remembers a mermaid with a blue tail blue like Sayaka's hair blue like water like sky like the stupid story and it didn't end happily only Sayaka's backwards, she's got her tail and she's lost her voice. That's not how it's supposed to go. That is, in fact, even worse than the way that the story went originally. And Sayaka isn't the mermaid because the mermaid was unselfish. But you can't blame her for it, _Kyoko sees the shards of her Soul Gem with eyes that don't really exist anymore_, because everyone is selfish.

and we don't know what we really want anyway so how can we wish for it?

Which is kinda the point.

Kyoko struggles for lucidity, tries to remember why she's here. She wants Sayaka back. But it isn't going to happen, and she's already got her wish and more because she didn't wish for a happy dream but she got one anyway and so what if it wasn't what she wanted it was nice all the same

The orchestra stops playing, and she thinks she sees Sayaka's shape, as everything fills with light. Only that can't be, because Kyoko's eyes still aren't open. This, too, then, is a dream. Anyway, it's real Sayaka's shape, in her pleated skirt without her swords, and maybe she's in a peasant blouse.

It wasn't real, Kyoko thinks, this isn't real this isn't how it ends, the sight of real Sayaka makes her too happy, makes her hope. And God, that's a terrible thing. But it's maybe all she's got now, all that's keeping her from losing this battle.

The silhouette walks towards her, and kisses her on the forehead. Everything goes dark again.

And that's the end. Kyoko slumps over, still smiling, still folding her hands in prayer. The shards of her Soul Gem are indistinguishable from those of Sayaka's Grief Seed, and they all get swallowed up in the barrier as it disappears.


End file.
